My first blog.

     So first, let me explain why I am starting a blog then I will tell you about "Our Journey".
     For the past few weeks, my daughter Rorie has been in Dornbecher's Children Hospital. I have been reading some of the blogs other mother have started, and I thought I would too. Since I love to write.
     Lets start from the beginning. My husband Brandon and I met back in September of 2009. Not very long ago, but a lot has happen!
We met right before I turn nineteen. He was working in Colorado and I was taking classes at Chemeketa Community College. He came back for a visit and we met through a mutual friend. I wasn't impressed at first, but it didn't take long for me to fall in absolute love with him.  We had our long distance relationship, it was rough. We told each other,
"If we can get through this, we can get through anything."

and we did we made it, we got married December 29, 2009. We were married in our town courthouse. Nothing "special" just close family and friends. Its was our wedding so it was special to us. It was a day where we said,
"I do." to each other.
In my husbands words, "Now I am stuck with ya."
He loved and loves me with all his heart. It snowed on our wedding day that was amazing. It was the only day it snowed that year (and stuck). We celebrated with family and had dinner. Since it was snowing roads were shut down and we couldn't go to the beach like we planned for our honeymoon. So we slept in a twin size bed in my husbands mothers house. Least we were close, but not romantic at all! Its a night to laugh about now.
     A few days later I was packed up and leaving for Colorado with him. I always wanted to get out of town and experience somewhere new. Far away even. Boy, did I get my wish. Over 1200 miles from home in a little town called, Phippsburg. It had a post office hair salon in one and a farm/ranch supply store. Oh, and a hotel. It was quit a shock to me. I adjusted though. I missed my family a ton! Which was very unlike me. I was independent, didn't need anyone, did everything on my own. In the short time we lived in Colorado, I learned a lot, I needed family and how to compromise.

13weeks

     We lived there a little over three months, until we found out I was pregnant. On April 2, 2010 I took a test and there it was a BIG pink plus sign. It was positive. I was shocked! I was excited! I had always wanted kids! So did Brandon. I remember telling him through a txt message. I had to wait all day for him to get it, because he didn't have service at work. He walked through the front door in his dirty work clothes, soaked to the bone, and he had the biggest grin on his face I had ever seen! He was so happy!
    One week later we were packing up all our stuff and getting ready to come back home. Thats when the hormones came! That was a tsunami inside me!  I was about 9 weeks along. I remember loading up my Jeep with a couple boxes. The weather was cold so a lot of "stuff "didn't work on my car. I popped the hatch open and it didn't stay open on its own so I flung it open really quick slide under with the boxes threw them in, I thought I was in the clear, and then, "WHACK!" I turned around to quick the hatch door was falling and it hit me in the head. I walked inside holding my head crying. Brandon asking what happened, I explained crying hysterically. He was trying not to laugh at me. It wasn't that it even hurt that bad. Yes, it hurt, but not for me to cry the way I was. The worst part was 2 hours later I was still crying and I couldn't stop. I finally called my mom. She was having a hard time not laughing at me too. I eventually calmed down.
    A couple days later we were back in Oregon! Home, sweet home. I was so happy to see my family and friends I had missed them so much. I missed Colorado in a way too, not the place, but the people I met. The community. I missed the great friends I made in such a short period of time. No judgment, they didn't care who I was or where I came from. They welcomed Brandon and I like they had know us our whole lives.
     Life was great being back home. Brandon found a job quick. Summer time was here and I was just starting to show my baby bump. It was a hot summer. Most likely cause I had the extra body growing in me. I had a ton a fun that summer Brandon's little brother Haden graduated high school. Brandon and a couple of his friends raced in some mud drags. The boys kayaked a bunch. Fished way too much and we went to Brown's Camp. A place you can go 4wheeling. I was 18 weeks along by then and it was a really rough weekend on me. I go sick. Ended up going to the ER to get some IV fluids and blood drawn. The next day I had an ultra sound to make sure everything was "okay". I was close to my 20 week check up so they decide to do that early, everything was looking, great measuring the fluid, size of the baby, gender(she was a GIRL)! Checking out all the different organs, then the ultra sound tech got to Rorie's heart. She looked at it many different ways, pressed hard on my belly to get different positions. She called in one of the Doctor's there to look. I asked,
"Is everything okay?"
She said, "Yes we are just trying to look at something it looks a little strange on the screen, it could just be how the baby is laying."
After they looked for awhile that doctor called in another doctor, I knew something was wrong my heart started to raced, I felt like I was going to suffocate right there. I was laying there on the table screaming on the inside and think, "What is WRONG! Someone tell me now!"
I didn't here anything till I went to my primary care doctor. I had papers to give him from the ultra sound tech. They were in an envelope. They were crazy if they didn't think I wouldn't open it and look to see what it said. "Ventricular Septal Defect, (VSD)" Is what it said, I quickly pulled my phone out and Google what it was. It said it was a hole it in the heart. And it is the most common heart defect in babies. Most time the hole will seal itself as the baby grows. "Whoo!" a sigh of relief some what anyways. My doctor explained to me what it meant and what it meant for the upcoming months of my pregnancy. My Dr. wanted to send me to OHSU Hospital in Portland to get a Fetal Echo Cardiogram. Basically it is a ultra sound to look just at the heart. I had my first appointment with Dr. Kelly. He was a nice man. He took lots of pictures, always had a poker face, could never tell if his look meant good or bad. Still can't. He looked through all the pictures he had, left the room to evaluated them with another part of his team and he came back sat down in the middle of the room and said,
"Well there is two things going on for Rorie." He started to draw a picture of a heart. And he explained that Rorie's arteries were malposed and only went to the right side of her heart. When one is suppose to go to the left and one the right. He went on to tell me, "It is fixable." and went through the different possible procedures.
     I walked out of that room out of my body, I was absent, I couldn't process. I was in shock. I couldn't cry, I could do anything but shake my head yes or no. I got home and told Brandon. We were scared. I was think, "Why us? This happens to older couples, couples that have had lots of other children, not young just married, having their first baby couples. NOT US."
Stress set in for both of us. A time we should have came together we were falling a part. It was hard and it got even harder. Rest of my pregnancy went on with lots of check ups, lots of echo's, lots of everything! It was a question of how will she be when she is born? Will she handle a natural birth? Will she need surgery right away? All the answers I got back were mostly, "We don't know."
That was the hardest thing to hear, was the unknown. As I got closer to the end of my pregnancy things were always changing, when I would be induced, or if I even had to be. The decision was made that I would go to 39 weeks and be induced then if I didn't go into labor by then on my own.
     I was two weeks away from being induced, I had a check up at OHSU. I had an ultra sound everything was looking good the computer was taking measurements to see how much Rorie had grown. The results came back, I was taken to a different room to meet with one of the possible doctors that would be there to deliver Rorie. He came in sat down on his stool introduced himself and said,
"I have some bad news the baby has not grown since your last ultra sound from the month before, and we need to get her out tonight."
I couldn't tell you what my faced looked like cause I didn't even know what I was feeling. "Ok." I said
He left the room and made plans for me to be induced. The tears hit me, I was so scared, not scared for my life or pain but for my daughter. I didn't know what was going to happen, no one did. My dad drove me home to pack a bag and wait for Brandon to get home from work. We drove back up to the hospital, I got all checked in hooked up to the monitors, put an IV in. I was so scared. Soon a doctor cam in and started the whole inducing process. My nurse for the night came in, she was great! She came in and told me how it was gonna be.

"This is my baby tonight, we are gonna get her here safe and sound. Its gonna be awesome. Your gonna meet your baby girl today and its gonna be a good day!" she said. She was so up beat and ready to go which was probably what I needed at that time. Labor progressed all night. I was expecting this terrible thing. You always here these terrible stories about women and there child birth experience. My went very smooth and easy. Rorie Akayla was born November 18. She weighed 4lbs. 6oz. Blue eyes and little bit of blonde hair. She was beautiful! I only got to see her for a split second before they wisped her out of the room. Brandon was speechless, I could only cry. It was about 20 mins later they brought her in all bundled up and laid her in my arms for just a minute. She was gorgeous. She was ours. She was my daughter. I was her mommy. It was amazing!

"Hello Rorie, its momma." Her blue eyes were just staring at me taking it all it. She was precious! More perfect than I had imagined.
She was taken out of my arms to the NICU. Brandon followed her there. I was not able to leave the room yet. The best moment and one of the most beautiful things just happened to me but I was so sad. I wanted my daughter to be with me in my arms. Have her bond with Brandon and I. I was transfered to upstairs.  I didn't get to see Rorie again till late that night. She was so small! All swaddled up in her little bed, content happy, peacefully sleeping. You would have never known anything was wrong with her.

On our way home.

     We spent a grueling two weeks in the NICU. It was very hard for me. I just want her home, to be with my husband. Be a family, a mother like I was suppose to be to her. Eventually we came home a it was amazing!
     The last few months have been pretty uneventful and Rorie has done great! There was rough a couple nights. But, thats when I kept saying she is home and thats better then being in the hospital. Even if she was screaming all night. I thanked God that he brought us home.