Today, we have been transferred out of the PICU and we are on the main PEDS floor. Rorie has improved, but still not at her baseline. She is requiring high-flow oxygen. Her Nissan surgery has been postponed to the 18th of October. Rorie is being fed through an NJ tube. It bypasses her stomach. Trying to prevent aspiration till her surgery. I am not sure how well it will work. Rorie has had one before and it was a nightmare.
Life for both me and Rorie has been rough lately. She's sick, I never know how she really feels. If she is in constant pain or not. I wish I could read her mind.
As most of you know Brandon and I are split up. Its been hard to deal with. I have been doing my best to keep things together and I have my moments of out burst. I have lots of anger and confusion. What's right? Where do I go from here? Whats next? I have so many questions and no answers to go with them. We are a family, a family should be together. Is it wrong I feel like I just need to be me, focus on me or is that being selfish? I am overwhelmed with all that goes on. I have Rorie she full depends on me and most of the time me alone. She is my one and only priority that I feel like I really have to tend to. Everything else comes when time is right. I don't know what will happen in the future. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, but today is today and that's all I can handle.
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