Out of the Hospital 12hrs. Then Life flighted to Ohsu.

     Rorie was discharged from Dornbecher's on Saturday. I felt that what the hospital was doing for her, was nothing I couldn't handle at home. Where she was more comfortable. I clearly was wrong. The night was rough, Rorie was fluid overloaded, possibly going through withdraw. Things just weren't in her favor. We woke up that morning, I was headed to Salem to pick up her medications. Drove back home quickly, I was close to getting back out to my parents and I called my mom and said I would need help with Rorie. She wasn't doing well,  I need to get ready to take her back to Portland. I called up to Portland to the on call doctor and they said to get her to the nearest E.R. From my experience with hospitals it is extremely pointless and a waste of time to take her anywhere, but Ohsu. I called 911 I knew I wouldn't be able to make it even to Salem in her condition. The ambulance came, the paramedic's walked in and got her hook up to a pulse-ox and their oxygen. The told me we have two options. 1-take her in the ambulance to Salem. Or 2- life flight was on their way and they can take you to Ohsu. I said life flight. We would end up at Ohsu anyways I wanted to skip the middle man and get her to where they could help her most. The ambulance took us down to the field in front of my parents house, the helicopter landed right there! The pilot had to see if I was able to ride with her. He asked me questions told me I had to remain calm and if I didn't for any reason they would restrain me. It was very scary. While the pilot and the paramedics in the helicopter got everything ready for us to go, Rorie and I were in the ambulance with the other paramedics. We are going to do something called and "I-O" you won't like and it will be hard to see, but we have to do it. They pulled out what looked like little drill. He went on to tell me we have to drill into her leg and get into the bone marrow so we can give her a medicine to paralyze her, in case she needs to be intubated in the helicopter. I have seen lots of terrible thing done to Rorie this was by far the worst. She had no pain meds on board no sedation, no nothing! I felt terrible! Not only did they do it once, but twice! The pilot came to tell me I was able to ride in the helicopter with her. It was very surreal. Just like a movie, I couldn't believe we where gonna be life flighted. Rorie has been far worse than she was this time around, but I am glad we had that available to us. It was about 20 minutes till we arrived on the roof top of Ohsu, and a team of people waiting to get Rorie taken care of. I love this place so much the people here do there best to save everyone, I have seen some pretty amazing things and horrible things happen in this hospital. I am so grateful that we have such an amazing hospital so close, but its hard to be here. Rorie was wheeled down to the ER and pretty stable as time went on things got worse and ultimately she needed to be intubated. I felt helpless! I couldn't do anything, there were so many people in the room so many different questions. I couldn't stop crying. Everyone was telling me I needed to sit down. Every time I sat down I couldn't see what they were doing to her. It was a mess! At one point she had blood coming from her mouth. Her O2 sats where dropping. It was scary. Social workers came into try and take care of me. I think they thought I was in shock. I had done this before. It wasn't new, but it didn't make it any easier! No matter how many times a little on is rushed to a hospital or not, it is hard. I just wanted to hold Rorie's hand, but I couldn't do that. The best thing for me was to answer the questions and stay out of the way. I just wanted my eyes on her. Once she was intubated and stable I could breath a little. We were transferred to ICU. I could just see it on everyone face, they were sad we were back.

     Today, has been hard to. Rorie has been uncomfortable. I learned a little boy, Nathaniel, I was praying for on facebook was also in Dornbecher's, he turned out to be in the room right next to Rorie. He passed away earlier in the day. I didn't know him, but it still affected me. I felt so selfish. I felt fortunate. I said it could be worse for Rorie and I. It really hit me hard. I couldn't imagine how his mother and father felt. I had met his mother the night before and we talked a little. I had no idea. I gave her a hug as they left. In situations like that you don't know what to say. Its so hard to be here and watch parents lose there children, I pray to God it won't be me that loses Rorie. I have been told once

 before that we might lose her and it was the worst feeling.

 It my worst fear. I know I can't think about that or even feed that fear, but its very difficult. I think at some point that thought crosses every mothers mind. My heart goes out to Nathaniel's family. I know he is in a better place now and happier than ever. Meri was his mother's name and even though she had just lost her son and this will be the hardest day in her life, as she gave me a hug and walked away, she said she would pray for Rorie. Amazing.